Home News and Appearances My Self-Epiphany…and how to cope with high expectations of oneself

My Self-Epiphany…and how to cope with high expectations of oneself

written by susanmacnicol October 27, 2014

Is there such a thing as a self-epiphany? Because I think I had one over the weekend. I woke up on Saturday morning and things suddenly seemed clearer to me. I’ve been moaning and groaning about my life for a while, probably to the complete boredom and eye rolling of people around me. I decided to sit down and do a Pros and Cons of My Life list and this is what I came up with. You might like to do it yourself and see where you end up.

Pros Cons (mostly Tongue in cheek)
I enjoy good health. Yes, I’ve had a little scare recently but I think it’s all good now I’m middle aged and want to be twenty five again.
I have a supportive husband who lets me be as quirky and miserable as I need to be sometimes He’s not Benedict Cumberbatch –but he’s mine.
I have fabulous children, polite, healthy, and people to be proud of They aren’t millionaires yet and can’t support me in the lifestyle I want to be accustomed to – get a move on, kids J
I have a job- yes, I moan about the travel but I am at least working where others aren’t Said travel. Train delays suck.
I have other family – a mother and sister -who are proud of what I have achieved. Mum is convinced I write ‘man-porn’ for a living…her words. She’s a little put off by that. But I simply tell her not to read it.
I enjoy the company and the people I work with – a bonus in my book They always want me to go out drinking and partying with them- oh, the horror of spending time with the cute younger guys!
I write books as a part time thing, and said books actually have *gasps loudly* READERS!! Wonderful, supportive readers who are my world and my success. I don’t have enough time to write- but I think every writer will say the same thing so I can’t claim this one for my own.
Talking about success, I’ve had some in my writing endeavours, and made money out of it, in a very short time, for doing something I love. I’m not a millionaire yet, still have to work for a living. I want that damn country house, damn it! With a butler who looks like the one in the picture.
I know some incredible people and have made some wonderful friendships. I have nothing on this one. People, you all ROCK like Bon Jovi.
I’ve got to do things I’d never have dreamed of before taking up writing, like going to conferences and meeting fellow authors, some of whom are my idols. I’v been on the radio and been interviewed for local newspapers. Nope-nada on this one too.  They may be crazy, some of them, but I like it. Craziness is SO underrated.
I still have all my teeth. Yeah-nothing really.
I still have my hair. It’s too damn curly and my daughter calls me Poodle Hair.
I get to talk about sex, porn stars, blow jobs, BDSM practices and the 101 uses for bananas – and no one bats an eyelid. Well, perhaps some do. It’s not really the correct topic of discussion in the local Costa Coffee house as Daughter and I recently discovered.

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So what’s the consensus? I told myself to man up and just try and take each day as it comes. I’m very much the profile of a classic ‘perfectionist’, I think, wanting to get to good places quickly and feeling like a failure when I don’t.

While not all of the traits in the link below apply to me, I think some of them are me to a T. I did the quiz and this was the result. No surprise there.

You’re A Perfectionist

You probably already know that your perfectionist tendencies cause you stress and complicate your life in some ways, but you probably don’t realize the extent of perfectionism’s negative effects on your lifestyle and stress level. The resources below can explain more about perfectionism, and give you resources for changing. I highly recommend you begin the journey now. Don’t worry if it takes a little time to change your patterns; any progress made can benefit you from now on!

You can take the quiz too if you like here –

http://stress.about.com/od/understandingstress/a/perfectionist.htm

So, in hindsight, some things I am going to ‘fail’ at, and not meet my own expectations. I have to tell myself that it doesn’t mean I’ve actually ‘failed’. I need to start taking a deep breath and look at my achievements (see Pros) as opposed to the areas I don’t feel I’m succeeding in –  (Selling enough books. Increasing my readership. Making more money out of book sales. Seeing my Amazon overall store rankings in three, double or single digits.) I need to keep writing and enjoying what gives me fulfilment, and hope that perhaps one day, I’ll meet all my own personal goals and if I don’t quite reach them – then at least be satisfied that I tried my best.

bunny believer

 

It’s all anyone can do.

 

 

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